And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
