After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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