Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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