I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
