....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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