Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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