i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
