sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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