Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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