He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
