I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
