I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
