Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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