i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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