If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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