I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
