Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
