I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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