Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
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he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
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We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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