How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
