Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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