Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
