9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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