man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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