He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
