We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
