she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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