Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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