Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
