anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
