Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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