I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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