i barfeds in our rink
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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