I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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