Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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