omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.