do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
apparently the secret to your success is patron
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dating After Heartbreak
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????