Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.