Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
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We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
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Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.