I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!