he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.