8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame