My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize