being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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