Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
