don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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