When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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