I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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