Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize