you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
