I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
