i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
this hospital has no fireball
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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