I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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