News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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