I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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