and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
