Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
