Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
