I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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