i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
