He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
