Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I need a beard to bite.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
