after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
