dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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