I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
