I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
