sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i need some magic done to my vagina
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
