Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
