Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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